Happy Friday!

I know, I'm writing two blogs in a week and it's weird.  This one will have to be semi short and quick (ha!) but I just had a few thoughts I'd like to share.

First off, a random note.  If you read on a regular basis, I just wanted to say thank you.  Thanks for reading my feelings and giving me your time.  I can see how many views I get, but unless you like or comment on the post or to me personally I really have no idea what my audience is.  And I guess that's okay since I care a lot (too much) about what people think and I really don't hold back from expressing my feelings here.

If you're my friend on Facebook I'm not quite sure what you're thinking of me if you don't know me real personally.  I am a very very sensitive person who shows emotion directly on my face or on my statuses--ha!  Some of you probably think I'm just a negative stress ball.  I really need to work on just throwing my feelings out there on Facebook.  Let's just be real, people don't care.  And the only reason I post my feelings is to get people to care but it's just not going to happen through there so I'm just going to try my best only to post the most encouraging things I can.  Don't hold me to that.  I'm the type that needs to vent a lot and when I hold it all in it eventually just bubbles out.  So I apologize if I come across negatively.

I've been struggling slightly with my relationship with God.  I feel like sometimes He just wants to shake me and let me know He's there and I just need to cling onto Him.  I try to handle everything on my own and He's almost an afterthought.  I've been following His lead every day on who He wants me to encourage for that day, but when it comes to my worries I just about make myself sick when it comes to things I have to attend or things I have to do or people I have to see that I'm not completely comfortable around or with.  I feel like I'm "trying" too hard on some things, but when it comes to simple things like just trusting, it's the hardest thing for me.  Anyone else?

I was listening to 90.7 while driving today and Joyce Myer was on.  Not gonna lie, I normally turn her off because sometimes she'll preach about a few things I don't agree with, but today I was hearing a few things speak to me that she was saying.  She was talking about how we are all branches and God is the vine.  There are dead branches all around us but we all need to stay connected to the vine.  Then she talked about how a peach tree doesn't struggle to bear fruit, just as we shouldn't.  As long as we are connected we should bear fruit.  So, I guess what I got from that is that I'm trying too hard.  I'm trying too hard to do good things, to make people happy, to stay connected with people but the simple part of staying "connected" and trusting God to take my worries and anxieties is what I can't get control of.  Ha, again, control.  I maaaay have gotten that from my mother.  Sorry mom ;)

Anyhow, today I am really trying to make a conscious effort to talk to God everytime my anxiety arises again.  For me, it's not something that just goes away because I dwell on things.  So it's going to take a lot of talking to God because most of the time I just think and dwell on things to the point of making myself sick.  I think too much until I create more than is really there.  "this person seems upset with me about something" blah blah.  They could just be having a rough week but I turn the whole thing to be about me.

SO, pray with me today?  And try the same thing?  God wants to hear from us at all times.  We are His children.  Just like I always go to my dad when I need to talk, God wants me to do the same.  I know I'm not the only one that struggles with this sometimes so that's just my thought of the day.

Thanks for reading my moments of randomness, and let's stay connected to the Vine!

Off to shoot (with a camera ;) some more beautiful people.  Hope the rain holds off!

Good morning!

I'm being positive by writing the "good", ha!  Let me tell you, this morning has been slightly trying, but just feeling the fall-like breeze come through as I sit and write is relaxing in itself.  As I have many more things to do besides sit here and write, I feel like sometimes we have to drop it all and just use our stress escapes.  Writing is mine.

The kitchen needs cleaned, the house is a mess, there are emails to be returned,  but the baby is in bed so I'll take this opportunity.  Let's start with the baby being in bed.  She had shots last Wednesday and between those and getting two molars at once (that apparently like to come through a little at a time at the slowest rate possible), my poor baby has not been herself at all.  Her appetite is down, she's tired and just cranky, and that's not her.  She's normally my happy girl.  I feel awful for her and wish there was more I could do for her than what I already am.  We just try to get out as much as possible as that distracts her.  She's really sleepy today.  She slept all the way through the night until 7 this morning and I tried giving her breakfast and she just screamed through most of it so I gave her a bottle so she'd at least be getting fluids and put her back to bed at 8 and she's still sleeping.  Poor girl.

So, it's getting close to fall.  I have a love/hate relationship with fall.  I love everything pumpkin and wearing fall clothes and LOVE the weather.  But it's also my most insane time of the year.  Every year this time of year I wonder if I'm going to make it through without multiple anxiety attacks.  Everyone wants the fall colors in their pictures and I get it totally!  I love it too.  I just wish I had more days, more weekends, more help....a secretary lol.  So my schedule is almost packed to the gills for September and October both and there are several people that haven't even thought about it yet.  And I hate to say no.  And on the days I actually don't have to take pictures, I don't want to.  I need a break from it.  I don't like to work every day just like you probably don't either.  I want to stay home with my family too.  Sometimes I think people think I just take the pictures and BAM, they're all done and loaded in your gallery.  Do you know that most photographers take 4-6 weeks to get proofs back and my latest turn around is normally just a week?  It's because I work my butt off to make that happen.  I don't want my work piling up so high I can't see and I want my customers to be thrilled that they're seeing their photos so quickly.  So not only am I doing all of the duties of a stay-at-home-mom, I am also running a full-time business and doing every aspect of it.  The orders aren't magically placed.  That takes about 2-3 hours every Monday just doing that.  The cards aren't magically custom designed.  The photos aren't edited with one click.  The pictures aren't packaged all pretty by themselves.  I take all of this time because I want people to know I really really care.  I love the relationships I've built and I want them to know I care about THEM, not just their business.  It's why it's hard to do something for free.  These are all hours I'm working at my job.  So if I do it all for free, it's like you not getting a paycheck from your job after countless hours there.  And I'm taking hours away from my family but not bringing anything home for them.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to give to people.  Actually, giving brings me the most joy and especially when I know it's appreciated.  I can't even explain what I'm trying to say...

Anyway, so I really think I've been letting stress steal my joy lately.  Every day I've been trying to think of what I can do to make someone else's day better.  Even if that's just a simple text saying "hey, you're doing a great job, keep it up", or "please know how beautiful you are and what a great person you are!"  Have you ever read the 5 love languages?  Do you know what yours are?  Do you know that you don't have to relate this only to your marriage but in friendships as well to a certain extent?  My 2 love languages are words of affirmation and gifts.  This means that my heart is reached most when someone encourages me verbally and builds me up, or brings me something to brighten my day.  I'm not talking like a set of diamond earrings or something.  I'm talking even if it's just a piece of gum and a post-it note because they thought of me.  That being said, it's been said that people use THEIR love languages on other people.  I find this to be true.  If your love language is physical touch, you're most likely to give someone a hug.  People give what they like to receive without even realizing it.  So, when my sister-in-law out of the blue last week sent me a random text just saying "thanks for being an amazing person", that was words of affirmation to me and meant more to me than she will ever know.  It's the simplest things!  It made my day and I think about it often.  Why am I saying all of this?  Because I would just like all of us to see outside of our bubbles.  What certain things encourage you most?  Do you do them for others?  I'm not good at this.  Some days I just want to sit in my bubble and not even mess with the world.  But I know that making someone else's day brings me joy.

Now, with that being said, I'm really learning that with the busyness of life you can't please them all or be there for every single person.  Find those certain friendships and cherish them closely.  I am finding that I have to let go of draining relationships.  Ones that just use me and would never be there if I actually needed them.  Ones that I'm always asking how they're doing and they never ever ask about me.  They will drain the life out of you.  But there are those few that will always be there and you need to hold those dear.

Well folks, I hear my sweet girl waking up.  Let's hope she feels better!  And if you have any good forms of stress relief, please tell me :)

Have an amazing day and week everyone!

Can we just take a moment and look at how LITTLE my baby is here?!

Hello friends.  I know it has been awhile since I've last written a post.  I can't tell you how many times I've started one and not finished it.  Mostly because I care too much about what people think I guess and a lot of what I wanted to write about was just my feelings.  Plus time, who has it?

Last week was a good week.  The couple before that were not great at all.  Quinn was getting a molar, we weren't getting sleep and that just equals exhausted and cranky everyone in this house.  Then we both went to the urgent care because I was having headaches for about a month straight and nobody can function that way and eventually got to where I thought I was getting sick.  Nope, just dehydrated and worn down.  A shot and liquids did the trick for that part but the headaches still remained.  Last weekend I decided I was done feeling gross and hating my body so I decided to do something about it again.  I had lost 20 pounds before I had Quinn and I knew if I started again I could do it again.  It's just getting yourself there and allowing yourself not to feel bad about having "me" time that was the start.  So Justin and I both created a schedule last week that allowed us to go at different times of the day.  I went every day last week and ate very healthy and felt like a new person this entire week and my headaches haven't been near as much this past week.  I noticed that when I was gone this weekend and let myself splurge some and missed the gym that I felt gross again.  I can't wait to get back on my routine again tomorrow.  Not that I ate a lot, just ate out a couple times.

Since I've last written, I've gained a new little nephew, Landon.  My sister had her third child and we are so in love with him.  I snatch him up as much as I can when I see him.  It's hard to believe that my little girl was ever that small.  I miss those snuggly days but also remember how tiring and trying they were learning to be new parents.  I love every stage that Quinn has gone through.  She is such a special little girl and brings so much joy into our lives.  I don't know what I'd do without her.  Our little dancer.  Every time music is on she's dancing to it.

Lately I've been struggling a lot with my place right now.  It's what I've wanted to write about for awhile but just haven't.  In this stage of life I'm a young working mommy that also stays at home a couple days a week so my working schedule 3 days of the week is semi flexible.  I had been going to a group on Wednesdays where you can take your kids to play and moms can socialize.  I went the first couple times with my sister and it was fine because she was there with me.  But when she couldn't go once, I did something out of the norm for myself and went alone.  I know, crazy.  Those of you that know me know I don't do that.  But it was good for Quinn and she loves playing.  The first time I went alone I wanted to leave in tears.  All of the moms had their "groups".  They all talked among themselves.  Not that they weren't friendly and didn't say hello, and not that I didn't try because I asked many women questions about themselves.  Nobody got to know me.  Nobody asked.  Nobody even knew I was a photographer and what my business was.  (Which most of the time that's okay because that turns into the only reason someone wants to be my friend sometimes, and that's not all there is to me).  I kept going a couple more times by myself and then with the same thing happening time and time again I pretty much decided that wasn't the place for me.  I felt alone and left out.  Until my friend and her daughter that's about Quinn's age decided she would start going with me.  And that was wonderful because the 4 of us had a great time and we started hanging out more which really meant a lot to me.

Here's the place I'm in.  Most of the friends I have and have had for quite awhile don't have kids.  Totally 100% okay.  I was there not too long ago in that same boat.  But my life is on an opposite schedule now.  My close friends with kids live far away.  (come on, guys!).  I talk to two or three friends on an every day or every other day basis.  We keep up, we vent, we encourage and I need that.  But I also need a place to plug in and be HERE.  With people, socializing.  The friends/couples without kids at this point won't understand until their in the same place in their life.  Just like I didn't get it at all just over a year ago.  You don't get a break.  Your life is most importantly about caring for your child that God has entrusted you with.  They have a schedule.  It's not easy to find a baby sitter, and definitely not on a whim.  I am not one to ask for help.  I never ask for people to watch our child.  I'm just not that type of person.  If my husband can't watch Quinn if I need to go do something and my mom or mother-in-law (which I try not to ask to often) are busy, I don't ask anyone else.  So my struggle is that I feel alone at times.

My second struggle with this is, funny enough, that I am not a person of change or trying new things.  It petrifies me to get involved in groups.  Whether I will fit in or be good enough.  I'm not good at putting myself out there at all.  I have zero confidence and I guess I've been burned in the past quite a bit with only being used for what I can do for other people.  I even started a fitness group at our church a couple years ago and put myself out there and it just failed.  It was devastating to me.  Some of you may be reading this and think this is ironic if you've only seen me in my "photographer mode".  I am a whole different person when I do my work.  Shooting sessions brings out the best in me.  I relate with people, laugh with people, love on people, etc.  I'm super personable.  I just get in the zone and love what I do and I've been told that that shows.  I'm glad.

My third struggle is that friendship is hard work and a two way street.  When I invest in a true friendship I invest 100%.  I hold my friends near and dear to my heart.  Like I said before, there are about 3 friends I talk to on a daily basis.  And then others that I still keep up with here and there.  But with those that you have to try hard with, have you ever felt like you're in a boat that it's a one way street?  You're always asking how they are or asking them to get together, etc., and it's never a returned thing?  So hard sometimes when it's not reciprocated back, but it just makes me cling tighter to the ones that are super close and know me inside and out and still talk to me-ha!  And makes me cling even closer to my family.  My husband and momma are my go-to for everything.  And I really want to thank the ones that have always been there and continue to invest in me!  I'm not a fun person sometimes ;)

So with all of that I've been praying that God will help me find my place in this stage of my life.  I'm just at a crossroad.  And God is trying to get me out of my shell and take the leap to try new things that may make me uncomfortable.  Please pray for me in this area if you would like to do so.

So, enough with that part.  I'm not even sure that even made sense but at least I put it out there I guess so people can get a little more insight on me.  Since my last post also, we celebrated Quinn's first birthday.  I also had to say good-bye to my best friend Ashley again as she moved to Chicago, but I at least got to have a fun day with her before she left!

On a very random note, I've been thinking about different things with my business.  I've been wondering if Justin and I doing a little framing together would go well in this town.  Not just framing, but almost like designing the perfect thing for each photo.  I had a blast when I went to Columbia yesterday and literally used my creative juices to design the perfect frame for the photo I got printed of Quinn's one year pictures to be in.  It sparkles with the embellishment I put on the matting!  THAT'S the stuff I'd love to start getting into a little more.  But for now I can at least do it for fun :)  See photos below, although the photos don't do the sparkle justice at all.

Well, that's all I've got for now!  Enjoy the massive amount of photos! <3

Trying on lip stains!

Ashley's fiance has a sweet ride, even though it is a chevy.

At "The Roof" in Columbia.  So cool!

Had to have her feet on mine. <3 

you try taking a selfie with two children and try not to have triple chins, ha!

Pool time wears a girl out!

Just sucking her toes

My new sweet nephew,  Landon!

My favorite thing.

Daddy wanted to put Quinn in the Queen City baby show, so we did!  She had fun.  The theme was "western".  We are not western people lol.

Paula cleaning Quinn's feet off from the hair she walked through when daddy was getting a hair cut, lol.  We love our Paula to pieces!

My nieces playing with make-up when I watched them the other day.  So cute.

My beautiful friend Megan at it again!

gym selfie, why not?

The girls from our bible study group had a shopping day yesterday!  So much fun.

Learning to love skinny lattes

Aunt Morgan and daddy sent snapchats yesterday while I was gone.  Quinn in the fire truck with her uncle Kyle :)