Hello Friends :)
Well, look at me! It didn't take me a few months to write another blog, it just took me a couple of weeks! I found the time, I suppose. I subbed today and was going to come home and work. I have 3 sessions to edit and I needed to load them to the computer. Ever since I got a new card reader it takes like 4 minutes instead of 4 hours to load! However, sometimes it gets moody and doesn't like to read the card and I have to use the old one. Tonight was one of those nights that it didn't like my card full of sessions from yesterday soooo....it's got four hours to load. Tomorrow night will become editing night. I really NEED to work on getting my things together for our tax appointment but I'm avoiding it. I needed to write and get a few things off of my mind. I'm watching my show (kind of) and trying a new recipe for broccoli cheese soup. Justin hates broccoli and any meal without some sort of meat in it so tonight was the perfect night to try it since he has to close at work. For some reason broccoli cheese soup has been my thing lately! It's crazy with my pregnancy food moods, I get a craving and I'll eat that food for a week straight and then not touch it again! First it was pancakes, then guacamole and now broccoli soup. :) And off of that random note I'll now get into something else!
Have to write a few updates about the baby...I know, I know, seems like that's all I'm ever talking about now, but he/she IS living in my body so he/she is part of ME! Just like people always tell me, if people don't like your baby updates they can take a hike or they aren't really your friend. So true. This is what's going on in MY life right now, just like I'm excited to hear about the things that are going on in my friends lives. Whether it be about their kids, jobs, school, wedding planning, whatever. Anyway, a few days ago on Saturday I thought I felt the baby move. It's just the tiniest little thump. However, I've been waiting for it so much that I kind of wonder if that's really it. I kept feeling it here and there and even every day after, so I'm almost positive it's what I'm feeling, but they say you can't feel it until 16-20 weeks? Either way, I'm just soooo excited to feel it move and KNOW. The feeling of just knowing your baby is okay and is growing is awesome! I know he/she is growing because I am! I'm already jealous of those who say they don't ever even have to go into maternity clothing. Although I don't full out need the maternity pants yet, I wear them sometimes because they're comfy! I have a few pairs of pants that still fit and button, but most of my favorites either don't fit over my hips, don't zip or don't button. So I'm in love with the belly band! I'm ready to get to the stage where I don't look bloated/fat and have a bump. :) Every stage is so new and exciting. Every day we still wonder if he/she is a boy or girl and who they'll look like. God decides all of that, despite what may run in the family or not and He knows what he wants us to have and we are so excited either way!
Still on the topic of the baby, I'm sure many others have these same worries. I'm SO looking forward to everything, but sometimes I'll just be walking around the house, cleaning, anything, and I just stop and think "wow, this is real. Life won't be the same. I have someone ELSE to take care of!" I just worry about doing it well. I want to be a good mom. I want Justin and I to raise them up right. I know with God as the center of my family, that will be the most important thing. It's just scary at the same time. I mean, they don't even come with instruction manuals. We will be bringing this sweet little life home with us with not one clue how to do anything! I'm all ears for first time mommy advice. All of your comments help me a lot, those who have been there!
On another note, something that's been on my mind lately. I realize yes, that I am an over emotional person. And not a "sit down and cry" emotional because those that know me know I don't do that often at all! But more of a "overanalyze everything" type of emotional. I take everything to heart and personally. It's just me. And I've been thinking a lot about friendship lately. What is friendship? Well, I don't know the definition but all I have to say is that true friendship is hard to find, unfortunately. I have went through quite a few friendships in my 23, almost 24 years of life. Few have stuck around. But I'm thankful for those that have passed the test of time. I guess I just expect too much. I expect to get out what I put in. My friends mean so much to me. I value it so much. I would do anything for them. If they need a shoulder to cry on, I'll be there. If they need me to do something for them, I do my best to try and help. I want to text them/message them/call them every once in awhile and see how they're doing. If they're sick I want to ask if they're doing better. I want to randomly take them coffee or leave a sweet note or message. If they're sad, I want to see if things are looking up for them. It's the little things that make them the big things. Sometimes, I wonder if I needed it if some of them that I "think" are friends would be there if I needed any of those things. I'm not a huge fan of being walked all over or being used. I will be your friend and I'll put my entire heart into it and I'm almost afraid to do it anymore. You see, I have my momma's heart and my daddy's heart all at once. Any of you that know my dad know what he does for people. I strive to be like him. If you need help, he'll be there. If you need something fixed, you better believe (in a car's instance) that it will come back to you washed, detailed, and with a new pinstripe on it. And that's just if you needed something simple like an oil change. That man, there just really isn't anyone better. But guess what? Surprisingly enough, he can count on one hand the "true" friends he has. The ones that will do the exact same thing in return for him. And he's been through the same thing that I'm going through and learning. There's those that will use you for what they need out of you, and there's those that will never stop appreciating you and are there to do the same in return in an instant. I admire him so much, and he's always the one I can talk to because he understands it. Now, my momma. She has a heart of gold. She would also do anything to help someone. But, I'm talking about something else with her. She has this thing like I do that she wants to fix things. If someone is upset, she's the first one that thinks that you should sit down with them and confront the issue. And she doesn't like it when she can't fix something. She wants to help! And in that sense, I am the same way. I don't care if an argument isn't my fault, I can't stand it very long. I'm calling them or immediately trying to make up with them. I'll even apologize even if I may not have been the issue. It eats me alive inside! Kind of like in my business if someone says something that's not so nice or something, even though it's not a personal attack to ME, it will eat me alive. It will bug me for days....or weeks! Sensitive I am, yes.
With all of that being said, I am being taught something right now. It's a hard lesson. I will admit something. I do rely WAY to much on people for my own well-being. I let them steal my joy sometimes. But that's not what I should be doing at all. In the devotional books I'm reading (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young), it's constantly reminding me that GOD is the one I need to be leaning on. He will never leave. I can't rely on people for my satisfaction or my happiness. He is the one I need to seek, always. This devotional is once a day, only about a paragraph of reading, and it's worded as God is speaking directly to YOU. I am a couple of days behind in the book, but this is from my reading today. Just a little snip it.
"You will get through today one step, one moment at a time. Your main responsibility is to remain attentive to Me, letting Me guide you through the many choices along your pathway."
I love it. It's hard (and shouldn't be) to remind myself to seek God first always. Not sometimes. Always. Funny, when something upsetting happens and I don't know what to do, I always turn to my husband or call my mom for advice. It's like I put God on the back burner. Well, hello! HE is the one that knows my past, presence AND future. He is the one that guides my steps. He knows best. It's a daily battle but I'm trying my best to take day by day and put God first. People will never make me happy--they're not meant to! God is the only one that can.
In all of that what I feel like is pure thrown around randomness, I just want you to think a little. Don't immediately think, "I wonder if Emily is talking about me". I know that would be my first thought. This is directed at no-one in particular. Instead, seek God first. If you're going through friendship issues like I am, know that God won't leave your side. He wants you to have friends! Don't lose heart though. If you're like me and would do anything for your friends, keep doing it. The ones that really appreciate it and would do it in return are the ones that will stand the test of time. The ones that are not, one little argument will break up. The ones that aren't afraid to say sorry. Think about what kind of friend you're being and what kind of friend you WANT to have. You should be that person. As I sit here and type, I have to wonder if I'm doing a good job at being a friend. I know I can do better, and I'm going to try.
Have a great week and stay warm!
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