Life Exposed

Hello everyone :)

Well, I have a spare moment today as I'm subbing for that awesome teacher again with a couple of free class periods so I thought I'd post an update.  I don't have anything specific on my mind at all to write about.  I do have some things laid upon my heart lately that I've been worrying/stressing about and also some baby updates as I'm about to hit 25 weeks (woah!) but other than that, probably just another rambling session.  Sometimes it just feels good to write.  I've realized that I don't have many stress relievers in my life.  My husband was talking to me the other day and he said that video games is an escape for him.  A time where his brain doesn't have to run and he can de-stress.  He asked if I had anything like that that I could do that lets me clear my mind and it made me sad to answer with "well, I did."  Running used to be my escape.  I had a love/hate relationship with it.  It helped me lose my 20 pounds when I was losing weight.  I could listen to my music, talk to God, enjoy nature.....and then when I got a knee injury it was kind of ripped away from me,  unfortunately.  After my little girl arrives though, I have full intention of getting my knees completely strengthened and get back into running.  I may never be able to do a marathon, but being able to run 1-3 miles outside again would be a dream.  But for now, writing will be my escape!

Well, those of you that have been pregnant know that it starts to get where things aren't so "fun" all of the time anymore.  I still love it, it's such an amazing thing!  I will never complain about getting to experience this beautiful gift from God.  It's something to never take for granted because I know too many people right now that either aren't able to have kids, or having complications with trying to have them and it just breaks my heart.  But, what was all smelling like roses for me thus far is starting to fade and feel like true pregnancy now.  I feel so awful for people that are really sick early on with pregnancy.  I have to say, I've had it so easy and still do, I'm just starting to finally feel some pregnancy pains I guess you'd say.  Of course, heartburn, that just keeps getting worse and worse the bigger she gets because your stomach gets smashed.  I also can only eat very little at a time now (also due to stomach being smashed) and usually what I do eat doesn't set well.  My favorite, mexican, especially doesn't set well anymore which is a very sad thing for me!  I still torture myself with it now and then though ;)

Besides the lovely scare that I had a few weeks ago when I was on a trip and had to go in and get checked out because baby girl moves all of the time and I hadn't felt her move for about 4 days.  That was one of the scariest things in the world.  And I just have to say how thankful I am that I had people to call and people that cared because I don't think some people realize how scary it is when you think you may have lost your child.  I think that was the most scared I've been in all my life.  And luckily I had my beautiful aunt by my side to come and get me and stay with me since I didn't have anyone else in town and she and my uncle made me so comfortable and let me stay with them that evening.  Once they found the heartbeat I just started to cry of relief.  What a traumatic evening that was.  They said she could've moved to a different spot to where I couldn't feel her and that may have been why I wasn't feeling her all of the time anymore.  Either way....scary.

A few weeks went by after that and I was doing pretty great again, minus the heartburn and being super tired as usual.  I woke up on Sunday morning, however, and noticed that everytime I went to the bathroom I felt like I was getting no relief and felt like I constantly had to go.  And not just "had to go", it was like "this is an emergency, I'm going to pee myself have to go".  And then I couldn't go....so think of the worst time ever that you've had to pee.  Like you couldn't hold it.  This is what I was feeling non-stop!  So we get to church after I've went to the bathroom already that morning like 50 times and it's just so uncomfortable.  I thought it had to be a UTI, why else would I be feeling that way?  So we got into the urgent care and left church and they tested my pee (hey, gotta tell it like it is, right?) and after waiting for the results, I started to get horrible back pain around my kidneys.  They came back and told me that everything was completely clear.  So that ruled out UTI and bladder infection.  So what the heck was up?  I was so miserable, I cannot even tell you how miserable that was.  They checked the baby's heartbeat, which is always nice to hear and it was strong, and then told me that they could retest me tomorrow if it was still bad.  But I was leaving with no relief which made me sad :(  I called the OB on call doctor in Columbia and she told me the baby could be laying directly on my bladder and squishing it or I could be working on a bladder infection.  I just wanted to rest, so she told me to take a tylenol and try to move the baby around a little bit.  Well, everytime I'd lay down and get comfortable with my back, I'd have to get up and pee.  It was a never ending exhausting cycle, so needless to say, I didn't get a nap. 

I had my niece, Jalee's birthday party to attend that evening and although I felt awful, I wasn't comfortable at home sitting, laying or standing so what would be the difference if I went to the party?  Plus, I couldn't miss that sweet girl's birthday.  We picked up cranberry juice on the way to Lancaster (nasty stuff) and I just started downing it hoping it would help with what I still thought was a bladder infection.  Got to the party and people could tell I wasn't feeling right.  I felt awful because I'm not the type of person that wants to let on when I'm in pain or not feeling right....I can't stand being a whiney person.  But I love that family so dearly, they all asked about me and were all concerned.  The peeing thing was finally getting better.  For some reason that back pain just kept getting worse and worse, to the point where it was getting hard to breathe.  I still had a great time celebrating Jalee's birthday and we went home after that so I could hopefully try and get some rest.  I took another tylenol and laid on the couch and my dear husband took such good care of me.  He had rubbed my back so many times that day, but this time he rubbed the soreness out for a good twenty minutes.  And for the first time that entire day I had relief!  It was amazing!  I decided to get up and go to bed while I was feeling okay.  Well, it was only an hour or so later when the relief and tylenol wore off and I had to pee again.  I decided to just move to the couch to I wouldn't wake Justin up anymore that night.  I would get a little comfortable and then wake up every hour in the night to pee.  I finally ended up in the recliner and was only able to sleep on my back with my fist on the part of my back that hurt.  Still up every hour,  but was getting a little sleep.  The next morning I was supposed to sub.  I love subbing so when I had to call in and ask them to find a sub for a sub I felt awful.  I really wanted to sub yesterday and I hate leaving people hanging.  I just knew I couldn't do it.  Hardly being able to move, being up all night and still having to pee constantly would make it impossible to be in a classroom.  I tried to sleep some that day and texted John (our doctor and family friend) to see if he thought I'd need a back treatment.  My bladder issues had mainly gone away and I was just left with the back pain.  Being the awesome person he is, he got me in and when he felt around on my back, neck and hips, I was apparently all sorts of jumbled up!  My neck, back, ribs and hip were all twisted around.  He worked wonders on me and although I was sore when I left, I was feeling relief and today my back feels 100%.  So, moral of the story, baby girl must've been pouncing or laying on my bladder with all of her weight, plus my back was twisted around like a pretzel.  He said I would probably need really treatments because pregnant women fall out of place very easily!  So, it's been interesting lately, but still a joy!  Still loving this little girl like crazy and can't wait to meet her.  Can't believe we're only 15 weeks away....

I really apologize for that lengthy and probably boring story, but I have to write these things down or I won't remember any of the stories from my pregnancy journey.  You always think you'll remember things and then BAM, pregnancy brain, haha.

Well, lately some things have just been laid on my heart.  Facebook, for one.  I feel like I waste so much time on it.  But not only that, when I do look at it, it always tears me down.  Not very often does it uplift me unless someone has sent me an encouraging message or post.  Instead, I scroll through facebook and see how one of my friend's has written on someone else's wall and think "oh they don't care about me", or see that they've put up a special birthday greeting for someone else but didn't care to do that for me, or see who's gotten pictures taken by someone else, who looks better pregnant, envy the skinny people and just basically anything that can tear me down or let satan in to run my mind, will.  It's not worth it.  Which is sad because I like to use facebook as an encouraging tool myself.  So last night was the first time I had gotten on it for a couple of days.  I feel like I missed a lot (a couple of people that had babies or posted bump pictures, and a car accident that one of my students was in) but then I also feel like I missed nothing at all.  Along with this facebook thing and how much of a time sucker it is, it is so handy because almost everyone has it on their phones for constant use.  I have been noticing lately driving down the road that about 80% of the people I pass or see are using their phones.  Whether it's to check what they've missed on facebook 5 seconds ago or to send someone a text, it's insane.  And even from that, I was sitting at the doctor's office yesterday and just the small little line to check in to the office, everyone in the line was looking at their phone.  And I looked around me and almost all of them were also on their phones.  I sat back and thought of how ridiculous it looked and how people don't know how to be patient anymore.  They can't have a 5 minute wait without occupying their time with something on their phone.  And then I thought...I am also one of those people.  As much as a try not to be, if I have to wait anywhere, I'll just surf my phone.  How sad is this that the world has come to?  Can we not socialize with one another anymore?  Can we not read a book?  I feel so stupid and guilty over this lately that I have just been trying to make a conscious effort to put my phone down.  If I'm going to a family gathering, I'm just going to leave it in my purse.  We don't get these moments back.  What if we all took a little bit of time away from our phones and devices?  Let's put them away at night and spend time talking with our families.  I promise you're not going to miss much and you can catch up later.  I'm not saying I'll stop using Facebook because I won't.  I feel like it's a great tool to keep up with people.  But I'm probably going to go to once a day or every couple of days instead of 50 times a day or just everytime I pull out my phone.  Just really been on my heart lately. 

Well, I guess this grouchy girl has written enough for today.  It was all over the place, I know, but hey, if you made it through reading this....awesome :)  Yes, it is a grouchy/blah day.  The weather is awful....I thought it was Spring?  It's a full moon, people are being grumpy with me today and one of my students being in a car accident yesterday and being seriously injured is just really tugging at my heart.  Oh Tuesday....I would say I'm ready for you to be Wednesday already but I'm not!  Tomorrow I get to go to Columbia for my doctor's appointment, but this time I have to drink the sugary drink and get my blood drawn.  I've heard the drink makes you sick and if any of the tests come back positive I have to take a three hour test.  Just praying all goes well.  Not worried about the poking part anymore because I'm used to it. 

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming.....