Life Exposed

Hey everyone! So I haven't written in, well, forever. I've really wanted to, but today I feel as though I need to. I just stopped what I was doing (editing Quinn's photos and a couple sessions from yesterday) and decided to just needed to write it out.

First off, can I just tell you what a blessing my sweet little daughter is? She's sitting in her bouncy seat as I type and is just the best little baby. She allows me to get done what I need done while staying home with her and not having to send her to daycare every day. For that, I am thankful that I can still do my job fully AND be a mommy fully all at once. She's just kicking her feet and looking around. She is such a happy girl and fills my days with such sunshine and joy, which I need, especially today! Honestly, this week has been a not-so-good one thus far so today I took complete advantage of sneaking in a cuddly nap with my girl and I do not regret it one bit. These moments will be gone all too soon. These past 3 months have FLOWN by. I cherish all of the new little things that she does and look forward to the new things she will be soon doing, but I also wonder where my tiny little 6 lb., 15 oz., baby went?? She will be 3 months tomorrow. Insane. She smiles constantly and talks now, it's so adorable! I will share some 3 month photos at the end of this post. Here's some random pictures from lately...

So, Quinn may or may not be a distraction in church ;)

This is the pouty face we get. Seriously?! Yeah, and she had just thrown up on her shirt ;)

My little working buddy :)

She's intrigued by tv now! Uh oh.

Snuggles before nap today! No, I don't wear make-up often ;) Don't judge!

I guess this week has just been filled with stress and worry. My job mostly. Last Friday was the first time I had to leave Quinn for the entire day. Now, I am SO blessed to have a mother-in-law and sister that are willing to take her for 2 days a week so I can actually fill those days with sessions and get a lot of work done. I know she's 100% being cared for by family and those who love her. I did shed a few tears as she smiled real big at me before daddy took her to grandma's house for the day last Friday, and this Tuesday, taking her to my sister's wasn't much easier, but I know it will get a little easier with time and those who have to do it EVERY day, that's rough! :( However, that being said also, I have two specific days a week only now that my sister and mother-in-law can watch her. My sister on Tuesdays, Becky on Fridays. Those are the days they have available and off to do so. So when the weather doesn't cooperate, my schedule is packed to the max on those two days for an entire month or more, everyone and their dog wants the "color" right now and it RAINS, what the heck am I supposed to do for rescheduling? As much as I despise my husband's ridiculous, crazy work schedule, he does have some days where he doesn't go in until noon and I can do morning sessions on off days if I need to. That's what happened this Tuesday....well, planned to use his schedule anyway, but that didn't go as planned.

I want you to know that I had a big rant typed out here, and I'm glad I got it off my chest, but I think for the purposes of this being public and some people may not know where I'm coming from with it, it was best to leave it off. I feel better though :) A little, until it happens again tomorrow all over again...ha!

So, with that being said, worry and stress. Another thing we've kind of kept to ourselves and that has been worrying us both is something I don't like to discuss, BUT, I've realized we need prayer for it. So, be our prayer warrior with us? About a month and a half ago, I noticed a bump on top of Quinn's head. We had been to a place with quite a few bugs just a few days before so I just assumed it was a bug bite. However, it wasn't going away and to me, was becoming more prominent. We asked the doctor at her 2 month appointment, but he said he wasn't concerned, and just to keep an eye on it. But it kept bothering me. We went to a pediatrician and that doctor told us we should go to Columbia to a pediatric dermatologist. Said it could be one of a few things. Just a fluid filled pocket that will go away on its own with time, a cyst that wouldn't grow and wouldn't have to be removed, OR, which the one I keep thinking it is, is a cyst that would continue to grow and she'd have to have surgery to take off. Okay, if you are a mom you can imagine how freaked out I am knowing that my 3 month old daughter might have to have surgery already on her HEAD. We couldn't get into the specialist right away, so we've been waiting about a month to get in. The appointment is set for next Thursday. Please be in prayer and pray we can get some answers. A lot of you may not know about it unless you've seen her without a bow on her head. Which I don't do, so people won't ask about the bump. So pretty much just family is aware. Even in the pictures I post I make sure it's not real visible. Let me tell you....I already feel like a bad mom (I know I have no control) but I don't like it when people ask about it. I'm VERY sensitive to it. And I don't find it funny with remarks like "What did you do, drop her on her head?" (Yes, that's been said.) So, I'm one very worried momma over this and I (we) would just appreciate the prayer for some answers. I cried when she got her 2 month shots, I can't even imagine what I'll be like if she has to have surgery.

As I was rocking Quinn tonight (yes, there was a break in this blog post, I had to get little one ready for bed and put in bed :) I was just thinking about how my love for her is such an indescribable feeling. Then I got to thinking about how God had ONE son. And He sacrificed him for our sins to save us. Can you imagine? Giving up your precious little one? Watching them go through that pain? All for us? It just baffles me and makes me see it in a whole different light now since I have Quinn.

On this topic, we've been going through a great series in our bible study group this year. It's called "AHA" by Kyle Idleman. The one thing that stuck out to me last week is when he mentioned the scenario of going into a dark hotel room with a black light. It reveals all of the stains. It makes us uncomfortable to see. But somehow when the lights are turned back on, the stains are not visible. However, they are still there. We all have stains. But are we just covering them up and trying not to think about them? Or are we trying to get rid of them? You can act like everything is okay, but until you ask God to help you get rid of the stain you're holding onto (that maybe nobody else can see), it will still be there and you know it. Just something that really stuck with me. We need to turn everything over to God. Everything you're struggling with. Right now, besides the stress and worry, I've been struggling with forgiveness. Forgiveness from something that happened YEARS ago that I never got to have closure with, and also forgiveness of something that has happened just a few months ago. Even if these people are not in my life and choose not to be, I need to stop being bitter, stop letting them hold me back and forgive them and MOVE ON. Just tough. And that stain will be there until I choose to let God have it and take it away. But it's not a stain everyone can see....

Another update in my life is that I've been working really hard to get my body back in shape after Quinn. Body after baby is HARD! Okay, completely jealously with those that go in, have their babies and come out wearing the jeans before they had their baby. What?? How's that even possible. Well, I did the 21 day fix program and lost almost 7 pounds in those 3 weeks. Now I've kicked it up to doing insanity. Now although I wish I was losing POUNDS a lot faster than I am, I have lost a lot of inches. Almost 3 inches around my waist in those 3 weeks. It's going to take a lot of time, and it's a lot harder now to find the time with a baby and working, but I'm doing it. Every day. And I feel a lot better. I've been a little discouraged from time to time, but everyone has their days. I've done great on my eating and haven't had fast food for over a month now. I can tell you I don't miss it--yuck! I'm glad I have a little encouragement from my hubby, and a few family members and that keeps me going and staying on track! It will be worth it in the end. Tomorrow will be day 3 of Insanity and it is INSANE! I have no doubt I can make it through though--have to keep that mindset!

So, question. I know deep down I will hate it, but I have been dreaming of this cute, short little mommy cut. I just don't know if I can pull it off. And I have had long hair for a LONG time and it's like my security. And easy to throw up in a messy bun--which I do almost every day! What are your thoughts? Here's me with short hair. The last time I cut it 4 years ago....

On a random note, we finally shaved Max. He sheds HORRIBLY and it was to the point that now that we have a baby he was going to get shaved, or we were going to say good-bye to him--which we didn't want to do since he's part of our family! We were going to do this RIGHT before I had Quinn, but I was such an emotional wreck and thought he was going to look so weird and bald that I almost had a panic attack so we didn't do it. But, he doesn't look weird AND he hardly sheds anymore--woo hoo! :)

He's thrilled to have a picture!

I saw that today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. A few people close to my heart for sure I know have went through this. Actually, I know more than I can count on one hand just that are close and dear to me. It breaks my heart and makes me even more grateful for the blessing I was given. I am praying for those of you that have lost! I cannot even imagine the pain..

Well, as promised, here's a few pictures (never before seen! ;) of Quinn from her 3 month photo shoot. Can I just say...HOW did we get a daughter with blue eyes (when her daddy's are BROWN), light hair, dimples (mommy has one)....? But, as mom says...God has a sense of humor! She said that the whole time we were positive we were having a boy. He had other plans :)