I've been getting taught a lot lately. Of course not in an easy way, but the hard way. Since I'm pretty transparent when it comes to writing my thoughts, this will be no different. Maybe you're struggling in the same way. All I know that is through this post, give me grace because I'm still being taught the lesson and honestly haven't gotten through the whole lesson that comes with "implementing" yet.
I have no idea if you're anything like me, but I am the type that all of my life I've had HUGE expectations for things. So many times that ended up in an equally huge letdown. But in all reality I still haven't fully learned the lesson to take my expectations down to a mere nothing in order to prevent such disappointment. It's just a part of me and my personality I guess.
I believe each person has strengths and weaknesses. I also believe that everyone was given gifts. How and if they choose to use them is up to them. You can hide them or embrace them. I try my best with mine but often fail. I truly enjoy encouraging people and making their days brighter. When someone close to me needs something, my first instinct is to jump up and help or "give" something to let them physically know I care. Rather than the "let me know if you need something" auto response. I'm not going to lie, I've done that phrase enough myself, but if you are close to me, you better believe I will most likely do my best to show you that I care.
Now here's the part that I'm being taught. I'm being taught that not everyone else has the same gifts or personality I was given in that way. And sometimes, that's hurtful. Sometimes you build up a list in your mind and bitterness starts to set in. It's not a fun thing, let me tell you. Bitterness in the heart just makes you a grouchy person to be around. I know this because I've been one for awhile. I'm not afraid to admit that.
I try my best to put my whole heart into the ones I love. If anyone of them hurts, I hurt. In most ways I feel like we use our love languages and gifts towards people in the way that we would love for them to be used on us. And when its not reciprocated, the first feeling is just plain hurt.
I'm speaking to myself here, but here's the deal. The world is busy. People are busy. They can take the time to love on you in their own way, or they can choose not to at all because hey, its life and its the world today. We have the choice as to whether or not we're going to get bitter and shut down using our own gifts because of it. Trust me, these past couple of weeks I have honestly wanted to do just that. I'm human, and again I'm just typing what I'm currently going through.
Along with this though, I would like to point out that even though the world is busy, please don't get so caught up in what's going on in your own life (*guilty*) that you completely forget that others are in need of someone to take time out for them. There is so much more to life than wallowing in our own problems. And you might be surprised. Lending some time and love to someone else who needs it in that moment may just make your problems seem a little smaller. The biggest blessings sometimes come from this.
This whole thing was been brewing in my mind to write about for awhile, but the pastor's sermon today really brought it home for me. When you get disappointed with people in life because you don't get treated in return as you think you should, don't change or stop doing the gifts you were given to use. God gave you those for a reason and our worth and joy are not found in people. We are truly called to use these gifts for the Lord. Sure, the human response in us it to just stop caring for those people that seem like they could care less about us.
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters" Colossians 3:23
This verse can be used in so many aspects of life, but this is where I find it to be used for what I'm being taught in this season of life.
Again, I seem to spend so much of my time disappointed. Honestly feeling like I'm not good enough or unloved in general. I realize that's satan and that's what he does. He hits people exactly where they're weak. But this is what I'm currently going through. And God is working in me on it. Sometimes I feel like a stubborn mule in the matter as He yanks and pulls me and I stay in my wallowing pit, but I know I'm being taught.
Bottom line is; life is FULL of disappointments for everyone. We can choose how we react to it. I fail, but I'm going to strive to be better. We can be the light or we can be bitter. You choose.
Today was my birthday. I'm learning that birthdays themselves as you get older are obviously not what they were when you could hardly wait to wake up the morning of your birthday as a kid.
Praise the Lord for small souls like my 3.5 year old daughter. I swear God knows exactly what you need and when you need it. She was SO excited to wake up just to tell me "Happy Birthday, Mommy!" And give me my gifts and my card that she worked so hard on for me. I have an amazingly sweet husband who obviously took her to pick out exactly what she wanted for me. She helped me blow out my candles at our Easter lunch this afternoon and sang me the sweetest happy birthday song. She also willingly painted my toes--and did a wonderful job might I add. When I go into Labor and Delivery in a few weeks I'm sure I may get a few strange looks on that paint job, but I couldn't have smiled more during that moment. It was so sweet. Along with the abundance of hugs and kisses.
As the weather was slightly odd for Easter, it was still great to get together at my moms for an Easter lunch and watch the kids do their egg hunt in the house. And when we got home I got to watch Justin and Quinn go out and play in the snow. He drug her sled behind the four-wheeler and her laughs and squeals were just the best. Ending the night with snuggling I just couldn't help but realize how blessed I am to have my little family. They truly keep me going.
If you made it through, thanks for reading my thoughts. Writing is basically like therapy for me but I've had many others tell me they like to read it so its the only reason why I post.
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