This post may stray slightly from my norm, but most often when I want to be able to express myself, writing is the way to do so.
This post is all going to be about being raw, open and honest about vulnerable about where I've come with my body image issues I've struggled with my entire life.
If you're a woman, you have most likely one time or another in your lifetime struggled with some sort of body image issues. It starts at such a young age. You're once strolling along dressing up in princess costumes and twirling around calling yourself beautiful. And then somehow it all shifts. Children feed off of everything. At school it seems like they suddenly start talking about "fat" and "skinny".
I distinctly remember going into junior high and a few friends of mine talking about their weight and it became a competition. Oh, I weigh 80 pounds, blah blah, and if you didn't weigh close to that, then well you weren't good enough. Cue the body shaming.
Fast forward to high school and boys and just the plain old "mean girls". Also, cheerleading. Although I loved it so much, it became such an evil game. To be the "flyer", you know, that little one that gets lifted up into the air in pyramids, you needed to be little and light. In jr high, I was the youngest and smallest and flying was just my thing. Moving on up to high school, I had much more competition. Once it became a popularity contest, I remember deciding in that moment I wanted to become a "base". After getting dropped a few times helped my decision with that as well. I never did admit it out loud, but my decision of becoming a base was truly because I was no longer having to compete anymore. Sure, i was lifting girls the same size as me, but I was tired of the comparison game even then. It all started out so young.
Let me preface this and let you all know that I am aware that I was never "large". It was truly all of the mental game and comparison involved with jr high and high school. Friends would come to school saying they were a size "zero" and I wasn't. They were also the ones that would catch the eyes of boys so of course I thought I needed to be that small too. One friend I even watched over and over struggle with an eating disorder that she'd never admit to, often eating nothing at all.
Getting out of high school was freeing for me. After high school I had gotten into running, and spurts of working out at the YMCA. I yo-yo dieted and exercised so hard. There were moments of significant weight gain and then moments of significant weight loss. Even with the results, confidence was always something I lacked.
There was a moment in my life even before kids that I set my mind to it and lost 20 lbs after being on and off depression meds that made me gain weight. I had so much more time then. I didn't have kids and my business wasn't booming yet. I spent hours at the gym.
I had done Beachbody programs a few different times and had such success. And then just like any other human, I fizzled out and went back to my old ways.
As someone who struggles with anxiety and depression, this was something I NEEDED. This was therapy. But it was all about making time.
Fast forward to now. Having my last baby, Brynlee. Going through a c-section. Trying to recover, balance being a mom of two, keep up with a business that needed to hire an employee so desperately to keep up and keep my feet planted in all areas of my life.
After a pretty traumatic pregnancy (I'm exaggerating a little, but high BP and bed rest were no bueno) and then having surgery and my daughter being in the NICU, then trips back to the hospital with her, I was so exhausted. I constantly felt like a complete failure. I was pumped with SO MUCH FLUID, literally 20 lbs worth, I remember looking in the mirror at that point and being like "who is this person?"
With a c-section I had to wait a little longer to work out. I couldn't wait to get back into it. I was trying to balance breastfeeding with losing weight. Everything I'd heard was that basically trying to lose weight will make your milk supply drop. Eat enough calories. Eat enough fat. Compensate for your calories. I was so overwhelmed I didn't even know where to start. I had 30 pounds left AFTER my fluid subsided to get off.
Once I was released to workout, I just started doing old Beachbody videos I had. This was back when they just had each program on DVD and you had to purchase them separately. As far as nutrition, I was just trying to make healthy choices. My weight was truly not budging. But I was super stubborn and didn't think I needed "help" and I wasn't going to spend the money on Beachbody right now. I could do this on my own.
Each day I'd wake up and, obviously exhausted, it was even more exhausting putting so much pressure on myself to be the image of what I pictured myself to be in my head. "I should losing weight", "I want to be that cute mom with energy". I didn't even know who I was looking at in the mirror anymore, much less was I nice to her.
After my weight not budging no matter how hard I was working, I FINALLY reached out to my coach, Holly Lewellen, who was my coach from before when I was doing it. Just having a baby herself, I could relate to her so much through that. She immediately suggested what she thought I should start with to kickstart my body into a fat burning mode and encouraged me to do both the workouts and the nutrition plan with it, fully. I didn't have much extra money then so I just signed up for the Beachbody on Demand (for 3 month increments, the least you can do). Beachbody has really transformed since last time I was doing it. You now have access to ALL of their workout programs straight to your TV just like Netflix. And it comes with all of the tools, meal plans etc., to give you the best success. This was huge for me. As a person who tends to get bored easily, it was nice to know that I could do anything I wanted to do. PLUS, she added me into her online accountability group with other mommas and I will say that is key for sure. Just knowing I'm not alone and nobody expects me to be perfect.
I started with the program Shift Shop. It was a 3 week program and I followed the nutrition plan fully. It took dedication and willpower but I did it and I lost 7 pounds just within those 3 weeks and my body was FINALLY responding.
I did two rounds of that program, then switched to Insanity Max: 30. That was just the challenge that I needed. Each of these fitness instructors, Chris Downing and Shaun T, spoke so much wisdom to me as I was working out. Helping us transform not only our bodies but our minds as well. Exercise easily became something I NEEDED! Eating healthy like this became a habit and there were hardly any days I didn't show up with my workouts.
I watched my body transform physically, but so much more mentally. And I watched my family support me through it. I work out in my teeny tiny living room WITH my kids around Quinn is always either wanting to do my workout with me now, or asking if and when I'm going to work out. She knows mommy needs that time and she's watching her mom become healthy and making it a priority. That is so important to me. One major thing I try and strive for is to not talk negatively about my body around my two girls. Before, I would. And if Quinn wasn't around, I'd always fall apart to my husband about it. Ask him, we've been married almost 9 years and I'd never compliment myself, much less talking positively about myself. So many people around me would always tell me how beautiful I am, etc., and I'd never ever believe them. I didn't even know how to receive a compliment. Talk about the most awkward person ever.
Being surrounded by a group of women for accountability as well as having a coach's help got me here. I have had countless people ask me about what I'm doing and also been approached about becoming a coach from my own coach but I just brushed it off. I don't have time for it.
My goal was to reach 25 pounds lost and I exceeded that by 3 pounds and am maintaining that and currently working on building muscle. But I've adopted a lifestyle. I don't deprive myself one bit. I live life 80/20. And a couple of weeks ago I made the leap to become a coach. I signed up to get a discount on my natural pre-workout I take, but also if someone came to me wanting help, I wanted to be able to help them. My gift is encouraging others and it truly brings me so much joy.
Why is this hard for me to post? Well, because now that I'm "selling" something, as people would say, somehow I think people look down on my progress. Everyone is selling something. I totally get that. I'm not salesy. I've already said I don't want to annoy people with this. But my purpose of this post is to share my story and my heart and just let people know that I AM available if they need me. You can message me. If you think this is expensive, I'd encourage you to chat with me and you'd be so surprised to know that there's options to fit every budget I feel like. Like I said previously, I signed up ONLY for the streaming, just like you'd pay Netflix monthly. I already have one person that approached me just for a year of streaming only, and another one that is doing more than that and I have seen her transform in so many ways, just within a week. She is on fire and so excited and that motivates me in so many ways.
I just know there are so many other women out there that even if they don't need to lose any weight, need convenience of working out at home. I know with me there's literally no way that I can get to a gym. And, when I'm there I feel totally lost. And I'm a past gym rat. I loved the atmosphere. But for this stage in my life, this is for me.
Its literally impossible to fail with this if you put in the work.
Don't think you have time? I promise you do. I downloaded an app to track my "screen time" on my phone recently and I am in shock at how much time daily I spend on it. Something to work on, but I promise you can find the time if you try! My husband works from 4am-5pm and said I inspired him so much that he's now doing this along with me after we put the girls to bed every night. I'm so proud of him and he is feeling so much better doing this!
In reality with all of this I truly just encourage you to be an example to your kids or inspire others by adopting a healthy lifestyle. I don't care how you do it. You do what works for you. God calls us to take care of our bodies as they're temples. Don't stop enjoying the treats in life, but always strive towards being the best version of yourself FOR yourself and your family. I can't tell you how much confidence I've gained for the first time in my life and I finally have energy for my kids and busting it even harder with my work, even finding newfound confidence in that area.
Point of this....just to let you know I'm here. I got my results literally from just putting in the work with proper nutrition and working out. I love that their nutrition plans do NOT cut out ANY food groups but simply let you know how much of each food group to be eating. That is a good habit for anyone to learn, coming from a fellow carb lover!
If you need me, I'm here. Just always know you are worth it.
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